TABLE OF CONTENTS May 2008

H-P Investors Raise Concerns About the EDS Deal

Hewlett-Packard Co. investors say Chief Executive Officer Mark Hurd may struggle to squeeze enough savings out of Electronic Data Systems Corp. to make his $13.2 billion takeover of the computer-services supplier pay off, according to Bloomberg.com. > read more

Showdown: Icahn Vs Yang

Billionaire investor Carl Icahn maybe a fairly new heavy-hitter at Yahoo (having only recently scooped up about 10 million shares and options to acquire 49 million more) but he has looked on for way too long (uh, days?) as Yahoo has “botched” merger negotiation after merger negotiation with Microsoft and he’s had about enough. His solution? A new board loaded with hand-picked directors, including former CEO of Viacom, a Harvard professor and even Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. Oh yeah, and him, too. But, assuming he stands a chance at overthrowing Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang’s board, will Microsoft ever agree to return to the dealmaking table? > read more

UBS: All Too Surreal

You know, we thought that security warnings were typically issued for terrorist-plagued nations. But at UBS, they’re now being sent to upper-level bank staffers responsible for wealthy clients in the U.S. (as in, don’t go into the U.S., lest you be body-snatched by the pen-pushing, regulation-mad, tax-hoarding authorities and by the time we find you there’s nothing left of you but a padded room, a note to your wife and a Hugo Boss belt buckle.) Here, all you need to know about the makings of the new Bubonic plague. > read more

UBS: Nothing’s Shocking

For those of you who have been taking a bath in Siberia for the past 12 hours, the world’s biggest bank for the wealthy (or at least, we think it still holds this title) is being investigated by U.S. authorities for possibly helping its ultra-rich clients evade taxes. (We’d like to take a moment here to reflect on the ugliness of the word “evade.” Might we suggest, you know, maybe “defer”?) What’s more, a senior bank employee is now being raked over the coals by the Justice Department. And names are being named. > read more

Citi’s Big Day

Which is to say Vikram Pandit’s big day, as the bank hastens to put the final touches on the details of his coming-out party, set to take place in front of shareholders at Citigroup’s New York City headquarters. Needless to say, no small amount is at stake. Especially with the mainstream press gleefully taking potshots at the CEO in recent weeks – which is all very droll, considering that they’re generally throwing stones inside glass houses (really, has anyone noticed the sorry state of the media industry lately?). But we digress in favor of getting to the good stuff: here’s exactly what everyone expects will be revealed by the end of today. > read more

How To Get Unlucky

“Losing money was no simple matter. It took months of hard work and careful misplanning. A person misplaced, disorganized, miscalculated, overlooked everything and opened every loophole and just when he thought he had it made, the government gave him a lake, or a forest or an oil field and spoiled everything. But even with such handicaps, he could be relied on to run the most prosperous enterprise into the ground. He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.” – Joseph Heller, Catch 22. What few people realize is that getting unlucky is often just as difficult as going the other way. A classic, fly-on-the-wall story out today on how Bear, sadly, defied the odds. > read more

Moody’s Comeuppance?

We are happy to announce that even dirty business on Wall Street has an upside: for instance, it really helped companies like Unilever sell a lot more soap in the latest quarter (though we always thought soap was more of a lagging indicator, the Dove-purveyor has shown us up, coming out with sales that topped analyst estimates for the first time in six years). Too bad soap is only now being discovered by some firms – albeit perhaps in limited quantities. Apropos of nothing, the departure of Brian Clarkson, president and chief operating officer of Moody’s, combined with the bond-rating firm’s assurance today that most of the criticism leveled against it in recent months has been “unfounded” certainly made us want to go take a shower. But before you reach for your own bar of soap, read about it for yourself. > read more

Halliburton’s Expro Quo

Halliburton leaps into bidding for U.K. oilfield-services firm Expro International Group, and it is not messing around: Its multibillion-dollar offer handily bests the one already on the table from a private-equity-led consortium, but it looks like it’s going to take a lot more than a little extra cash to make Expro skip to its loo. Here’s why the target is expressing some doubts over whether Hally’s bid really amounts to a “firm intention.” > read more

Wall Street’s AAA Nightmare?

Murphy’s Law holds that if you are a ratings agency and you have coding errors in your computer models, of course that does not mean some financial products are given ratings that are too low. Because that would be easy to correct. Instead, the products are given ratings that are up to four notches too high – and, upon noticing it, who are you to disinvite someone to the Triple-A party? What one investigative report is now claiming a certain ratings agency knew as far back as early 2007…and didn’t fix. > read more

Litzler’s Fizzler?

Relentless chatter on Internet messageboards is confirming unconfirmed reports of Goldman quietly laying off more staff in New York and Jersey City. But, as most everyone knows, small-time, unconfirmed pap like that pales in comparison to big-time, unconfirmed pap – such as that coming out across the pond today, where Marc Litzler, head of the investment bank of Credit Agricole, France's third-largest bank, may be on his way out as early as this week. You already know the reason why. But the devil’s in the details. > read more

Resistance Is Futile: Rewriting Write-Downs

What would the financial carnage on the heels of the subprime crisis have looked like if perhaps top banks had been allowed to value their illiquid assets according to historical, rather than market, prices? That’s exactly what Josef Ackermann, chairman of Deutsche Bank as well as the chairman of the Institute of International Finance (an alliance of 300-plus companies) wants to know. How the debate over “fair value” rages on. > read more

Citi’s Mission ‘Impossible’

Meredith Whitney, the Oppenheimer & Co. bombshell who’s made a name for herself dropping plenty of the same, is back on message, contending that the bank’s turnaround plan is an “impossible feat.” That said, some think the firebrand analyst famed for calling Citi’s breathtaking losses before anyone else last autumn may be speaking a bit too soon. > read more

Taxes: Still For The Little People?

If you’re a billionaire, can you just call up a bank and ask it to falsify documents, set up shell companies and destroy financial records for you? That very question, which we never thought we’d live to see have answered in any kind of detail, is now before us in all its glory with the unsealing of an indictment by U.S. authorities against two bankers. Here, the details of the charges, plus a bit about the mystery billionaire who lies at the heart of the case. > read more

Yahoo Execs React ‘Lukewarmly’

Great ‘Jabberwocky’ word in The Wall Street Journal today describing the, uh, muted response of Yahoo’s top brass to Microsoft’s plan to slice up the company, giving the choicest portions, of course, to itself. As Yahoo chews on this proposal without getting any indication of what the renewed price tag might be, our thoughts invariably turn to the contents of the poison-pen missive Carl Icahn is, no doubt, dashing off even as we type. Behold, the latest of the foggy details on this epic Internet clash of the titans. > read more

UBS: Only The Beginning?

It’s bad. And it doesn’t look like it’s about to get better anytime soon. A U.S. dragnet on the monster Swiss bank is now expected to tighten its noose, issuing a sweeping subpoena for the names of wealthy American clients who might have asked it to help them sidestep income taxes, according to today’s Wall Street Journal. “This appears to be the IRS's effort to pursue UBS in what most likely will become a larger case,” says the partner of former UBS private banker Bradley Birkenfeld. “Bradley was not the first or only private banker of UBS to be called in on this issue. Most assuredly, he will not be the last." The latest on the latest. > read more

Under Rug Swept?

Despite a worldwide push among the major investment banks to write-down massive chunks of bad debt in an effort to clear the subprime slate, many are still resorting to jamming an awful lot under the bed. Taking losses on a balance sheet rather than in an income statement is, of course, allowed – as accounting distinguishes between so-called trading books and long-term investments – but to what ultimate end? Here, an in-depth story that offers up the hard numbers and names names about how certain banks are still biding their time, treading water with accounting tricks. But time is running out. > read more

Credit Crisis: Closer To Closing In On A Near-End?

Lo, a brighter crunch picture awaits! Whatever that is. We know it; we feel it…it’s coming. We are not carrying on. You clearly don’t have our keen grasp of the complex, interlocking financial mechanics at work here. When UBS sells $15 billion of mortgage assets to BlackRock and announces job cuts of 5,500 by mid-2009 (as detailed in the following piece) that’s merely the sweet remedying of a gangrenous one-off. This is the rise of the fall. Legends of the rise. It is almost upon us. The definitive (possible) near-ending of the end. You heard it here first. > read more

Bear’s Journey From $130, To $2…To, Uh, $10

And that’s probably where it will end today when stockholders finally vote on the bank’s purchase by JP Morgan after months of infighting, outfighting and more than a few icky paintball matches. But, then again, who really knows? Given all that’s happened over the past 52 weeks – and, more tellingly, in recent months – here’s why it’s likely everyone will be on pins and needles until the last document is signed. > read more

NYFR: Cure For What Ails Ye?

A broker in the U.S. is reportedly cooking up the next generation Libor: the New York Funding Rate, or NYFR, a Frankenstein that could be unleashed upon the world as soon as today. While we submit that perhaps the U.S. should be a bit more concerned about its widows and orphans getting slammed by the nation’s inflation-indexed savings bond paying out 0% for the first time ever, we digress. The broking firm launching “nyfer” assures us that it isn’t looking to replace Libor, as it reflects very different market fundamentals, but we say why not go for broke? If the pound is pounding the U.S. dollar, why shouldn’t we also get grabby with London? And now, here’s exactly how this very special toggle is expected to work. > read more

Snap! Saturday Salvo

The blood is still dripping, no doubt, this morning from Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer’s poison pen. On Saturday, he dashed off the dread missive to Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang that would end his hot pursuit of the Internet giant. While we want to point out that this is kind of like the person you aren’t even interested in dating getting all formal about breaking up with you, we imagine it’s not the last Wall Street will be hearing of this unholy union. (Especially since a separate, even unholier union in the form of an ad pact between Yahoo and Google festers on.) Here, the blow-by-blow of what finally sent this deal off the rails, as well as some choice excerpts from Ballmer’s tough-love letter. > read more

Ex-UBS Banker To Plead Guilty

It’s one of those things where we don’t really want to look anymore – but we cannot help ourselves. As the Swiss bank suffers another wave of defections at its wealth-management unit, a court filing surfaces indicating former UBS executive Bradley Birkenfeld has now decided to cooperate with the Justice Department and plead guilty to tax fraud. And, as if that wasn’t painful enough, he’s also expected to reveal the names of his U.S. clients. A look at what’s at stake when he appears in federal court on June 9. > read more

Cerberus On Blackwater: What Of It?

So, they went out on a few dates. Nothing happened, OK? Or at least that’s what everyone is saying about Cerberus’s dalliance with controversial private-security contractor Blackwater Worldwide, which held talks with the private-equity firm about a $200 million minority investment that have since been scuttled. The news highlights Blackwater’s odd predicament. Despite rapid expansion in the past couple of quarters, a black eye related to an Iraqi shooting in 2007 may cause it some financial havoc down the road. Here’s how it’s looking to do what it does best: head off danger at the pass. > read more

Thompson Bows Out

If timing is everything, bad timing is...well, nothing. But buying a coveted asset when its value is at its peak is something anyone might do. (After all, no one can tell a peak’s a peak until it’s over, right?) Clearly, the decision to give Wachovia’s CEO Kennedy Thompson the boot had a lot less to do with his leadership skills than the bank’s fears of something slightly more menacing. > read more

Say On Pay Gets No Play

While rampant dunderheadedness and all-around bad luck have cost shareholders of seven large Wall Street companies about $364 billion in stock-market value since prices peaked in 2006 and 2007, here’s why investors remain reluctant to pipe up on executive paychecks. > read more

Cayne Says He’s Sorry

After lots of annoying bridge jokes, pot jokes, Detroit and Nashville jokes and golfing jokes over the past year, longtime Bear Stearns leader and bona fide godfather of Wall Street James Cayne apologized to shareholders. (Not to mention took the flak like a man.) Bear may fade into history as the biggest casualty of the subprime crisis, but you can’t say it didn’t live and die by the sword with panache. Here, Jimmy offers up a bit of parting wisdom. > read more

Structured? Forget It. Infrastruture? That’s More Like It.

Morgan Stanley just closed on a $4 billion new infrastructure fund, handily topping its original target of $2.5 billion and proving, once again, that plenty of people have the cash to cough up if the investment is right (as in light on the “structure,” heavy on the “infra”). A detailed piece out today on just how this fund plans to thrust itself into the already packed field of betting on roads, airports and public-works projects on a global scale. > read more

Microsoft: Ready To Play Hard – Maybe

The media officially has no idea how to cover this anymore, because nothing is certain and all moles on deck are changing their stories daily in the Microsoft-Yahoo three-dimensional chess game. That said, the newspapers are doing their level best to box this coruscating story into a corner. X will most likely happen, they declare, but then hedge that the “situation is fluid.” Conversely, Y could transpire too (possibly). May we present the latest from Z – but don’t take our word for it. > read more

Clear Channel: Solution Nigh?

After weeks of legal wrangling, schleps to New York (and Texas), swipes and counterswipes, madness and mayhem, it seems that this massive leveraged buyout may finally go through after all. Just not at the same price. > read more

No End To Fixed-Income Boo-Boos?

In answer to that oft-asked question, ‘Are there any more monster banks in bed with hedge funds that are still kerfuffling?’ we can now, unfortunately, say yes. Enter Citigroup's soon-to-be infamous Falcon Strategies fund, which has lost more than 75% of its value, triggering a fresh sound and fury that’s already resulting in lawsuits, torrents of investor ire (both retail and from the likes of Wachovia and Fifth Third Bancorp), a wave of broker resignations and no shortage of nettlesome questions. > read more

Yahoo Ambush, A.K.A. HedgiePalooza

The Yahoos jumping on the bandwagon of billionaire investor Carl Icahn are really starting to pile up – and taking on a decidedly hedgefundlike pallor: In addition to John Paulson’s Paulson & Co. fund, which now ranks as the sixth-largest Yahoo shareholder, Texas oil billionaire T. Boone Pickens is throwing his cowboy hat in the ring. Even the generally unimpressed Daniel Loeb of activist hedge fund Third Point is scooping up more than four million shares. Since no one of any note has been brave enough to start calling the winners and losers yet in the Icahn vs. Yang faceoff, we’ll set that aside for now and present to you the official Who’s Who list of Icahn Hedgie Gang. > read more

Icahn: A ‘Yahoo’ With Conviction?

Will renowned billionaire investor Carl Icahn succeed in further building up his 50-million-share grubstake in Yahoo and unseating part of its board? All we can say is leave it to him to get done what two Internet giants couldn’t. (The only thing that can stop him now is if he turned out to be that mystery billionaire tied to today’s scandal – but what are the chances of that?) Another example of why, when you really want something, it’s best to break with the dainty brinksmanship and just dig in. > read more

Continental’s British Concubine

Could it be that even as it engaged in merger talks with United last week, Continental Airlines secretly knew all along it would jilt her in a heartbeat for a run behind the barn with British Airways? Naughty, naughty. That said, BA’s hardly complaining. Take a look at what the events are doing to the air carrier’s shares today. Even so, with all the chest-beating antitrust evangelists running about, what are the chances a rendezvous between the two might actually result in a long-term relationship? > read more

Superclass: This Could Be You

History is brimming with tales of how the world’s movers and shakers rise up, over-reach, get reined in and, finally, are supplanted by a new elite. Recent developments in the financial crisis suggest that this could be happening now. How to know enough about yourself – and where you’re headed – to stay out of the way of this immortal freight train. > read more

LG Sweet On GE?

If comments from LG CEO Yong Nam are any gauge, it sure looks like it. But what are the chances that General Electric's appliance unit will go willingly? > read more

Report: Subprime Losses (Mostly) Claimed

Rating agencies don’t rank too high on our list of excellent authorities on Wall Street right now. But assuming they have been duly chastened by recent events, here’s what Fitch is saying about how much has now been claimed of the forecast subprime losses. Given the pageantry over “off-balance sheet losses,” it’s a lot more than you might think. > read more

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Leave it to billionaire investor Carl Icahn to leverage a) a threat to gut Yahoo’s board and b) support from the likes of hedge funds Paulson & Co. and Eton Park Capital Management to bring Microsoft back into the game. But, as one can imagine, Microsoft has a few new provisos about the terms of the chase. > read more

Microsoft: Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’?

While Bill Gates reportedly clinches a grubstake in a U.K. flooring and carpet specialist run by Lord Harris of Peckham through his Cascade Investment firm, that other enterprise of his (which you may have heard of) seems to be cooling to the idea of a Yahoo merger. Says who? Says none other than Yahoo CEO himself, Jerry Yang, in his most illuminating comments to date. > read more

BHP-Rio: What Now?

Will this $188.5 billion megadeal ever happen? Perhaps not, if those meddling regulators have anything to do with it. At the heart of their growing list of concerns is whether this union could further pressure steel prices up, curbing development around the world. But isn’t it a bit late for that? > read more

Yahoo: On Second Thought...

No, Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang is not crawling back to Microsoft (yet) but he is brandishing the “for sale at the right price” sign with abandon. Here, a peek at the enormous gamble he is now undertaking. Who else can he attract as a suitor without starting an antitrust circus? Is he right that Yahoo’s platform is not yet fully valued by the market? Or is it possible that he wasn’t lowballed, after all? > read more

UBS Bankers To Take Fresh Hit

The Fed, the European Central Bank and the Swiss National Bank all running into a phone booth late last week and emerging in an awesome show of superhuman strength (announcing a near-50% increase in currency swaps, with the U.S. offering to exchange Treasuries now for securities backed by car loans, credit-card debt, student loans and, oh just trust us here, old mattresses) has not been enough to save the skin of banks like UBS. And when we say the skin of banks, what we really mean is the skins of its bankers, traders and support staff. While Microsoft will surely hog the day’s headlines, this news seems to indicate that the Swiss bank is on the verge of slashing many more thousands of jobs – with one upside it’s already realizing. > read more

Best Buy’s Best Bet

Dollar weakness be damned. Why the monster U.S. electronics retailer has agreed to pay $2.15 billion for a fat grubstake in Europe's largest handset retailer – and, yes, it will pay in sterling. > read more

Wireless Race Kicks Off

And it is sooo on. How a motley crew of heavyweights from the cable, Internet and chip industries quietly pulled together about $3.2 billion to invest in a company that will deliver Web access to laptops and cellphones at speeds that handily outstrip today’s norms by tapping into a snazzy new technology called WiMax. > read more

Inside The Beari Kari

Oddly enough, we noticed there’s also someone who goes by the name Kari Beari on Flickr, but we assume that is just a coincidence. Part two of a series by The Wall Street Journal on just what happened behind the closed doors at Bear Stearns during its final days, revealing exactly what we always suspected: It was primarily traders who ultimately felled the mighty Bear. > read more

Cure For A Microsoft Microbid

If Yahoo seriously hopes to squeeze more money out of Microsoft, it first needs to get serious about boosting its value. No time like the present, and what could be a better time than when Long or Short Capital is offering up a smattering of free tips? Amusing, if not necessarily effective. > read more

Wild Day For Friendly Skies

First off, we hear business airline Silverjet is going under due to skyrocketing fuel costs (a la Eos Air) just as U.S. regulators announce a sweeping, nationwide probe into the energy markets controlling the global price of oil. Now, UAL suspends merger talks with US Air due to – you guessed it – that erstwhile paramour Continental. Read on for an update of all the latest passes and counterpasses. > read more

If You Like ‘The Economist,’ You’ll Love This

In the very wee hours of the morning while trying to escape rounds of grasshoppers – that sweet, mint-green drink perfect for both young girls and old men – more than one of our readers has tearfully confessed to us that they really became bankers so they could read “The Economist” all day. Well, apparently, some rappers became rappers to do that, too. Take a listen to this: the soon-to-be cult hip-hop hit that, we swear, actually samples podcasts from the weekly magazine’s writers, extolling their precision and brevity. (Even better, it’s safe for work.) > read more

Curiouser And Curiouser...

Just as the mad din of economists insisting that the worst of the subprime crisis is over reaches a fever pitch, France's largest bank, the biggest Dutch financial-services company and the world's largest lender to local governments, on cue, post lower first-quarter earnings as their loan losses INCREASE. Is this yet another sign that economists should only be listened to as a contrarian indicator? Or just a last gasp? > read more

Interspousal Due Diligence, Anyone?

Are failed marriages a retention problem or a selection problem? “Of the two, I suspect the selection problem is the most lethal,” muses columnist Lucy Kellaway of the FT, adding, “Luckily, it is the easier to fix...” Still wouldn’t it be nice if there was some agreed-upon process for kicking the tires on potential mates? Kellaway’s take on how techniques adapted from the financial world might apply to one’s personal life. > read more

Risk Junkies, Unite!

The Fed decision? So passé. Microsoft-Yahoo? Nothin’ doin’. But the Bank of England is heralding a new era of overpriced risk in the market relative to its fundamentals. (Feast your eyes on its superexciting semi-annual financial stability report out today.) Think of it as the unstoppable force against the immovable object. In the summer, the price of risk clocked in at an unsustainable low. These days, it’s just the opposite. For all that, the bank sees both sides, sooner rather than later, swinging back into alignment. But to fully achieve this, it needs the risk addicts of Europe who breathlessly thronged to the market this time last year (and have since scattered to parts unknown – probably Spain – to wait out the credit crunch) to get their sweet cheeks back to Old Blighty and make some big bets. Here’s the kind of grand scheme it’s envisioning. > read more

CBS Bags CNET For $1.8 Bil

But will this scuttle the ongoing proxy fight at the Internet media concern? A quick and dirty analysis of this breaking news. > read more

All Not So Well In Land Of Beers?

Investors have been flying high on the prospect of InBev possibly buying Anheuser-Busch Cos. But could they be missing the point? A piece on why it might be much harder than anyone imagines for the Belgian company to swallow the august and hallowed King of Beers. > read more

Bad Time For Cold Feet

Out of the gate this week, rampant speculation that Bank of America’s deal to buy ailing Countrywide Financial for $4.1 billion could go belly-up wasted no time in hammering away at the companies’ stocks (though the latter much more than the former). B of A’s rep says everything’s on track. But who to believe? A look at the chatter vs. the reality. > read more

That Thing Under The Bed Revealed: FAS 157

Why the president of Blackstone, in addressing the reasons for the private-equity titan’s after-tax losses, is calling this cryptic rule that came into force last November (and is now being blamed for the company’s weakening profile) “dangerous” and “fraught with misleading results.” > read more

Anheuser-Busch: They Must Be Drunk

How Anheuser-Busch, the biggest brewer in the U.S., all but invited in trouble when it chose to make its board easier to replace and abandoned a poison pill provision. Now that InBev has set its sights on the King of Beers, is it just a sitting duck? > read more

Deutsche Telekom’s Sprint?

Mergers are back. For these two seconds, anyway. Talks between UAL Corp. and U.S. Airways Group are zipping along at a steady clip (take that Continental!) while an industry consolidation of an entirely different kind is gripping Deutsche Telekom and stoking acquisitive fires. And you thought there wasn’t any good news out there today. > read more

Quoth Of Noth

"They're starting to feed on each other," says Janet Tavakoli, president of Chicago-based Tavakoli Structured Finance Inc., which advises banks and hedge funds. More from the gripping story from whence this remark came – if you haven’t guessed it already. > read more

The Bomb Heard Round The World?

Wall Street is buzzing over yet another incident of a top private-equity exec somehow finding his foot, again, in his mouth. Given that this someone isn’t innocent of doing this in the past (it’s probably fair to say many times now) we suspect maybe he just likes the taste of his foot. > read more

NRG’s Fond Ambition

Borrowing loosely from Madonna, "Poor is the company whose merger depends on the permission of another." (Guess what song inspired that line and get a free car wash.) Aiming to become the largest independent power company in the U.S., NRG Energy (you’ve gotta’ love the double homonym of that moniker) swooped in on Calpine with an unsolicited $9.6 billion stock bid. More on the score here. > read more

Big Brother: Bigger Than Ever?

The SEC is sick and tired of hearing that it supposedly messed up by falling asleep at the switch ahead of the subprime crisis. And now everyone is going to have to pay. We know the White House’s top economist also is on the case (Edward Lazear, chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers, is saying the U.S. is “not in a recession” and that "the data are pretty clear”) but no one is listening. A look at what investment banks likely will be forced to do differently in the future. > read more

As LBOs Slow, Bankers Head For Hills

Nice, detailed story out from Bloomberg today on how the very bankers who arranged financing for last year's largest leveraged buyouts -- TXU Corp. and First Data Corp., among others – are now breaking free of their firms as the pace of takeovers grows sluggish, creating opportunities for less-established lenders to step in. > read more

A Good Kind Of Bad?

The good news: HSBC is setting aside $3.2 billion for cruddy loans it made in the U.S. The bad news: HSBC is setting aside $3.2 billion for cruddy loans it made in the U.S. Truth be told, this amount is less than what many had feared and expected, so we’re going to just go out on a limb here and say it’s a good kind of bad (you know…rather than the bad kind). Also, this duality of good/bad news happens to be arriving with a silver lining that, coming from Europe’s biggest bank, may bring hope back to all. Except, for course, for the U.S., which, HSBC notes, is doomed. > read more

‘Remember When Banking Was Sexy?...’

Uh...for us, that would be a definitive no. However, Bank of America begs to differ. In this latest promotion, writer, comedian and political satirist Mo Rocco “wants to talk to you about your banking fantasies.” Think mobile phone alerts while on dates. Think balance-transfers from bed. And now, are you properly warmed up for this? > read more

Brazil: We’re Hot, You’re Not

These days, Brazil is so confident about its economic standing that its leftist president, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, joked to an audience of Latin American businesspeople recently that he lectured President Bush on cleaning up the U.S. credit crisis (according to The Wall Street Journal). "Here's the problem, son," Mr. da Silva said he told Bush. "We've had 26 years without growing. And now that we're growing, you come along and complicate things? Settle your crisis!" White House officials said the two had discussed the economy but not exactly in those words… > read more

Coal, Office Supplies Grab Headlines

Hey, we never promised sexy. ArcelorMittal, the world’s biggest steelmaker, is looking to cozy up with Australia’s Macarthur Coal in a possible bid for a minority stake that could fetch an estimated $4.2 billion or more while, in the Netherlands, the world's biggest office-supplies distributor nailed a $2.7 billion deal to snatch up its French rival. Read on for the details of today’s momentous coups. > read more

Hollywood Bemoans Loss Of Investors

Last September, when Sanjay Sanghoee sought to turn his first novel into a Hollywood movie, the fledgling filmmaker had his pick of private-equity and hedge fund investors. He even canceled a capital-raising trip to Dubai, because there was no need for it. What a difference a year makes. > read more

Capital Everybody Wants

AIG CEO Martin Sullivan says that after raising more than $13 billion as of last week, the insurer now plans to drum up about $20 billion total to fight off two quarters’ worth of losses in the wake of the subprime debacle. He made his announcement today in London, where yet another company is scrambling to raise several billion to fund a takeover that it’s increasingly finding hard to handle. > read more

Time For A New Kind Of ‘Surgical Strike’?

Having done such a bang-up job, both logically and tactically, with its pre-emptive maneuvers in the theater of war (insert guffaw here) the U.S. is now considering applying the same tactic to a variety of other applications: like market bubbles. Feast your eyes on the results of a study Fed Reserve chief Ben Bernanke commissioned from a bunch of Princeton scholars that clearly show how even the smartest money sometimes finds itself powerless to stop the onset of investor mania. > read more

Moody’s: Er, Not Doing So Great, Either

Kicking off an internal investigation of whether its employees covered up erroneous triple-A ratings on certain financial products, the agency is now warning that it’s prepared to volunteer them for the ultimate (non-wartime) sacrifice. But, at this point, will the SEC be impressed? > read more

UBS’s Silver Lining

The biggest European casualty of the U.S. subprime crisis took investors by surprise this morning when it announced it would raise more than forecast in a deeply discounted rights issue approved last month. How much more? Read on for all the dirt. > read more

Yahoo: Showing Some Legg?

Carl Icahn has managed to throw together a wide cross-section of Wall Street/Harvard/Dallas Mavericks smart-alecks to back him in Operation Yahoo Overhaul. So why does this highflying portfolio manager holding 405,000 Microsoft shares and 64 million shares of Yahoo insist on remaining squarely on the fence? > read more

Greenspan: 50% Chance Of US Recession

Clearly still not aware that he’s no longer Fed chief (and, we think, likely won’t be until those pesky newspapers stop printing his every idle utterance) former head-of-Fed Alan Greenspan augurs what he expects will become of the U.S. over the next several months, blasting the predictions of the Pollyannaish-economist hoard. > read more

Why Braggart Slogans Bite

What happens when your slogan says, oh, maybe something like: “CIFG: The New Generation in Triple-A Financial Guaranty” – and then your company is downgraded to Ba2? > read more

China’s Merchants Bank Bags One

Why Merchants Bank, the nation's most profitable lender, has reportedly agreed to take over Hong Kong's Wing Lung Bank in a cash deal valuing the company at $4.66 billion. > read more

UAL, US Air: The Great Summit?

UAL and US Air started chatting each other up about a potential merger months ago. But then, UAL starting hanging out with Continental Airlines and began to get pretty keen on her. After some casual dalliances, Continental made clear she was not in it for the long haul, though, and now it seems UAL is back in baby’s arms. But this time is it for keeps? > read more

Dollar Bottom: Copping A Feel

So, word on both sides of the pond now is that everybody (except, obviously, those who are short) wants to see the dollar strengthen against, well, anything, at this point. Not because anyone cares much for it per se, but because, as things stand, the world is calibrated to expect certain things from certain currencies and the greenback has been woefully negligent in its duties of late (mea culpa, Persian Gulf). Luckily, it seems to be showing some signs of life, however, rousing itself just long enough yesterday to notch a six-week high against the euro. The interest-rate decisions out from the ECB and B of E today further weigh on the situation, but seem to be doing nothing for the market-watchers who remain largely divided. Here, a collection of their views from the FT. > read more

All’s Fair In Love, War...And Banking

And yet, that hardly means there’s a surfeit of happy endings right now. The Wall Street Journal takes a hard look at how a blood war over talent between Mizuho Financial and Calyon's parent, French bank Crédit Agricole, ultimately helped neither. > read more

Berkshire Hathaway’s Greatest Hit (Safe For Work)

Click here for the highlight of the video program kicking off Warren Buffett’s annual shareholder meeting, to which tens of thousands began flocking last Friday (and because of which no hotels within a one-thousand square mile radius of Omaha are available). A very entertaining explanation of the subprime debacle, starring two cheeky British comedians, with helpful explanations of things like “enhanced leverage” and when to buy the rumor and sell the fact – or the other way around – or both, or neither. > read more

Thunder Down Under

And this one’s actually confirmed. Australia's Westpac Banking Corp. says it has approached competing lender St. George Bank Ltd. with a takeover offer that would likely value the latter at more than $14.15 billion, setting the stage for industrywide shakeup. > read more

Good Thing You Can Always Trust The Government

U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (ex-head of Goldman Sachs) says financial markets are bouncing back, Obama-like, from the credit crisis, declaring that “the worst is likely behind us.” But we’re not seeing too many rainbows or unicorns yet. Paulson has been in Washington for awhile now. Read this and you tell us – has he successfully avoided drinking too much of the Beltway Kool-Aid, or is this just the rum talking? > read more

Buffett: In A Spending Mood

For some, haying while the sun shines is all well and good. But for Warren Buffett – who remarked last year while nary a cloud darkened the Wall Street sky that things looked a little rich for him – when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. A glimpse at how the Seer of Omaha plans to spend more than $40 billion as the credit crunch keeps on crunching, sidelining other would-be bidders. > read more

Hamptons: Our (Paltry) Two Cents

Oh no, Buffy, Moonie, Cookie and Bunky won’t have their cake and eat it too in Sagaponack this year. Initially, we know they will all be sad about the sagging price of their McMansions in the first quarter. But soon enough, we suspect they will be discovering the joys of ATV-racing and shooting rodents off the back porch for supper in West Virginia, and forget all about cavorting in their pink Mercedes on Amagansett’s main drag. For those of you who missed out on the latest Hamptons stats, here’s the full, if vaguely maudlin, roundup. > read more

Big Oil: Trader Invasion?
By Leah McGrath Goodman
How one ambitious Houston hedge fund trader’s investment in hard assets underlying his trades could mark a tipping point in the world of Big Oil, as well-capitalized speculators begin wagering like private-equity firms on the future of the industry. (Plus, they can literally hedge their bets.) A peek at why he’s heading south of the border. > read more

Hamptons: Hot Air Release?

Starved for cash amid the credit crunch and concomitant mass firings on Wall Street, the Hamptons may soon be dealing with less Mercedes motorcade problems and more homeless problems as its denizens feel the pain. Dealmaker plans to chip in with a soup kitchen to ease the strain, so if you’d like to volunteer (or just sneer at your boss) please leave your name in the comments section below; we will follow up. And now for an update on who’s getting crushed – and who’s getting crushed more. > read more

More Harshin’ On Pandit?

For the past month, ganging up on Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit has been, apparently, the fashionable thing to do if you’re a member of the mainstream press (see this latest Pandit profile out in today’s Wall Street Journal). But we suspect the 51-year-old ex-professor still has a trick or two up his well-tailored sleeve. Why this Friday is being seen as his definitive coming-out party, as he attempts to defend his sprawling empire against a break-up. > read more

And Now, A Word From The Back Office...

Signaling the rash of job cuts stalking the financial community is beginning to singe even the most devout workers – you know, the ones who got up early, kept their heads down, never fussed, put their backs uncomplainingly to the grind (not to mention refraining from brown-nosing, water-cooler gossip and all office-politicking, and are beginning now to think the better of it) – this open letter from one fallen Bartleby stands as an ominous warning of what happens to those who come to Wall Street with stars in their eyes. > read more

Breaking Of Dollar Peg Nigh?

That buckling sound you’ve been hearing is not just the nauseating grind of our death-giving credit crunch, but also the dollar peg that’s straining against the overheating economies of the Middle East – which are, no doubt, beginning to wonder why they ever linked their currencies to the weak greenback. As we hardly need to point out, all these gyrations could have a huge impact on cross-border M&A. That said, the smart money is already predicting the outcome of this battle. > read more

Bear, Unmasked

Now that it’s becoming much clearer who will get to stay at Bear Stearns and who will be forced to go, some of its bigger players are revealing what kind of brinksmanship really went down as the bank’s foundations buckled. > read more

Clear Channel: What A Long, Strange Trip It’s Been

From DealJournal: “It’s long. Interminable. Complicated. No, it’s not the race for the Democratic nomination. It’s the slog that is the Clear Channel litigation.” A few highlights from this increasingly bizarre parallel universe. > read more

Ex-Merrill Kim Gets High Hat?

How former Merrill Lynch executive Dow Kim ended up delaying the launch of his new hedge fund after financial backing from a handful of major investors – including Credit Suisse – failed to materialize. > read more

Meet Goldman’s $200 Oil Guy

As oil prices hover near $140 a barrel for deliveries slated for 2016 – causing even the hardest-boiled energy-industry veterans to balk at what is now being called the steepest short-term oil leap in years – The New York Times boldly unmasks the so-called “green” Goldman analyst who first predicted the $200 watermark. And apparently, he’s taking the whole global fame thing in stride. > read more

Citi’s Logo: A Complicated Thing

Three decades after Citigroup’s “The Citi Never Sleeps” campaign, it’s returned to flogging its old logo. But why conjure up something the bank’s marketing brain trust just passed on a year ago? > read more

LBOs, Fear The British Invasion

When London-based leveraged buyout firm Permira Advisers needed to tack $3 billion of cash on to a deal it was spearheading (handily surpassing David Bonderman's TPG) it didn’t have to lift a finger, Bloomberg notes. All it had to do was watch the euro gain 22 percent against the dollar in less than two years. A cautionary tale of the dangers of the ever-weakening dollar. > read more

JP’s Bearish Turn

JP Morgan has taken a hatchet to Bear Stearns's foreign exchange business in New York and London, with 62 of 73 positions set to be put on notice, according to a senior Bear Stearns official. More on how the acquiring bank plans to apply the scalpel. > read more

Calling The Shots On Your Own Deal

Most folks in finance know their best tool (other than their Bloomberg) is their brain. But do you know how to use your noggin as well as your Bloomberg? We bet that you don’t. Not saying you’re not brilliant, killer, but do you keep up with what is known to work when wiring and re-wiring your brain at the ever-slippery bargaining table? You have a say in it, you know. An excellent piece from The New York Times about how to manipulate your own synaptic pathways – to your satisfaction. > read more

Clear Channel – The Sequel?

Remember the good old days, when private-equity firms and big banks detoured their battles to podunk towns in East Jesus, Texas, to work out their differences? (Wait, that only officially ended last week? Seems like forever. A day in banking, to us, is like a lifetime anywhere else...) Luckily, a new soap opera is on the horizon – only this time, the podunk town has yet to be announced. And is in Canada. > read more

Barclays’s Case Of The Mumbles

If nature abhors a vacuum, then so, too, does the world of finance. Which may explain the disquiet surrounding Barclays’ first-quarter statement yesterday, muses the FT. In response to a fragile balance sheet – and on a day when the Fed chairman implored the finance sector to be “proactive” in raising capital – why the U.K. bank decided to do nothing. > read more

Libor (Magically) Ticks Up

Wow, whoever guessed that could happen after one little Wall Street Journal study? Funny how once everyone notices the emperor has no clothes, he somehow instantly gets himself a membership to Laura Ashley. Here, a closer look at the biggest Libor move in more than two weeks. > read more

Break With French Etiquette At Your Peril

Jean-Bernard Lafonta broke a tacit rule of French business etiquette last summer when his firm amassed shares of Saint-Gobain SA, the nation's oldest company, without seeking the consent of its chairman, Jean-Louis Beffa. Guess where he is now? > read more

UBS’s $100 Billion Wager

The annual shareholders’ meeting of UBS was once a time for Chairman Marcel Ospel to beam over his many accomplishments. Attendees would praise him for turning the insular Swiss bank into a financial powerhouse, Bloomberg says. This year, investors cheered again. When Ospel announced his resignation. > read more

Chin Up, B of A

Bank of America, the second- biggest bank in the U.S., said it may not guarantee $38.1 billion of Countrywide Financial Corp.'s debt after taking over the mortgage lender, fueling speculation that Countrywide's bondholders face renewed risk of default. More on the score. > read more

Sick Of ‘Paradigm Shift’ Psychobabble? Us, Too.

Better to just know the cold, hard facts. And these are some goodies: Petroleum shipments from the world's top oil exporters dropped 2.5% last year. During that time, oil prices soared 57%. Those two things used to be mutually exclusive. Now they are happening at the same time. And no one seems to think it’s going to stop. Any questions? > read more

State Of The Bailout: Coming Full Circle

Are hedge funds bailing out banks this week – or is it the other way around? And what are the private-equity firms doing? Buying hedge fund CDOs? OK. But who’s bailing out the private-equity firms when they need it? Lawyers? Hm. For those of you feeling like you’re watching a very bad ping-pong game, we have your primer on who’s doing what...These two seconds, anyway. > read more

Genuine Bid – Or Stealth Play?

London ad-research firm Taylor Nelson Sofres has spurned the $1.87 billion unsolicited bid of ad-holding juggernaut WPP, opting instead to continue on its merger path with German rival, GfK. Why many suspect that WPP may only be out to make trouble. > read more

Fed, BlackRock: Ties That Bind?

More on the budding relationship between Fed chief Ben Bernanke and BlackRock CEO Laurence Fink, as told through details procured by Bloomberg through the Freedom of Information Act. So necessary. > read more

Libor War: Not Over By A Long Shot

While the greenback gets flak, the U.K. is having has its own problems. For instance, that minor scrape with the London interbank offered rate. Like, why is it that a top bank everyone and their mother knew was exposed to crippling subprime losses was supposedly able to borrow massive amounts of money on the market at lower interest rates than its competitors? > read more

Goldman: Oil ‘Superspike’ Going To $200

The two things that have always been key circuit-breakers of high oil prices have been a) demand destruction – essentially, when pain at the pump forces consumers reduce their fuel consumption, cooling off prices – and b) a global increase in supply, driven by producers looking to exploit lofty prices that ease as they flood the market with more oil. Guess what? For the first time ever, neither seems to be happening. Which is exactly why oil popped above $120 a barrel yesterday, occasioning the resurfacing of the dire prognostications of one Mr. Arjun N. Murti. Here, his predictions for the turbulent months to come. > read more

Citi Gets A Break

According to DealJournal, the only major U.S. deal Citigroup isn’t tackling right now is NRG Energy’s pending unsolicited takeover offer for Calpine. A peek at how even an ailing bank can keep many rods in the fire, if it’s clever. > read more

Knight: HSBC’s Worst Nightmare?

Not content with his paper profits and livid over what he holds to be the utter mismanagement of pay schemes and strategies at the bank, Eric Knight, CEO of fund manager Knight Vinke, is vowing to undertake a long-term battle. Inside the faceoff that promises to become a veritable breeding ground for fresh activist-investor tactics. > read more

Return Of The Jams

Some bankers stick with banking. Others conquer the banking world – then take some time to rock out. Finance honcho Steve Bernstein, who spent 23 years in fixed-income and sales trading at Salomon-cum-Citigroup (in New York and Japan) before leaving in 2005, now co-organizes The Jammys – yep, that monster jamfest/awards ceremony hosted each year in Madison Square Garden. (If you happen to be in NYC tonight, you can snatch your tickets now at jammys.com; the line-up is fresh – as in Doug E. Fresh.) And if you’re really lucky, maybe you’ll manage to snag an invite to Bernstein’s pre-party party, which offers an interesting mash-up for Wall Street folks. Think Pete Sears and Jack Cassidy (from Hot Tuna) G.E. Smith (from Saturday Night Live’s band of yore) and Roger McNamee (yes, that McNamee, from Elevation Partners). And, oh yeah, did we mention the 8-year-old Japanese guitar prodigy that puts Clapton and Osbourne to shame? He’ll be there too. But if you can’t catch him live, do yourself a favor and check him out here. > read more

From Panthers To (Financial) Planning

What’s better than a job as professional football player? A job as a professional football player with an off-season side gig as a financial intern. (Apparently.) Why one receiver decided to don a suit two days a week after asking Morgan Stanley for advice on how to crack Wall Street. > read more

Bringing Home The ‘Bacon’

Francis Bacon's three-panel painting of a headless man being gobbled up by vultures fetched $86.3 million and drew the interest of a at least one former Paine Webber chairman and a Blackstone executive attending the record-breaking auction in New York last night. Read on for what else sold – some of which is not exactly fit to print. > read more

Can’t An Old Guy Go Shopping Anymore In Peace?

Apparently not, now that everybody knows Warren Buffett’s on the prowl. A peek at how the Oracle of Omaha’s news conference in Frankfurt yesterday ended up looking a lot more like a rock concert – replete with worshipful reporters, photographers and television news crews. That said, he did manage to toss out some choice comments to the peanut gallery, disclosed here. > read more

Not Your Father’s BBA

Things are really spicing up over at the once-bone-dry British Bankers’ Association, what with Libor on trial for misbehavior and global banks being taken to task by the London-based trade group for probably encouraging it. Has manipulation now become so rampant that the benchmark interest rate for $62 trillion of credit derivatives and mortgages requires an overhaul? One examination of the key questions – and the likely answers. > read more

Taking Aim Where It Hurts

Be afraid Wall Street, be very afraid. Across the pond, the U.K.’s Financial Services Authority, whose practices have long been envied and emulated the world over (the U.S. not excluded) is heralding a new era of hawkishness over banks’ executive pay. Particularly, when it comes to assessing a bank’s capital structure. For those of you considering working in London, or worried that the U.S. might ultimately take a page from Britain’s regulatory playbook, be warned. Here, the comments from the FSA’s chief executive that set off the alarm bells last night. > read more

Jump-Start Your Brain

Controversy has bubbled up over one mainstream magazine’s rigorous analysis of how to keep your brain on full-tilt, whether it be by thinking positive thoughts or employing, uh, more questionable methods. A must-read for perpetually sleep-deprived bankers fighting jet lag and searching for that extra edge. (Disclaimer: We don’t advocate any of this magazine’s suggestions and strongly urge our readers to proceed with caution.) > read more

The New ‘In’ Thing: Cambodia

You ask, why Cambodia? We ask, why not? How a nation that three decades ago abolished money under the Khmer Rouge aims to raise more than $6 billion to rebuild itself, snagging the attention of private-equity investors. > read more

OIS – The Next Libor?

Fed up with the Libor dog-and-pony show, traders are beginning to turn to other methods of ascertaining bank borrowing costs. Mostly by using twigs, string and chewing gum. Nah, that’s not true. Lo and behold, the latest on the next-generation Libor. (Also, please see “Five Ways To Monkey Around With Libor’s Defects” out on Bloomberg today. We’re not even kidding.) > read more

Wherefore The Bubble?

When it comes to energy and food prices, economists are increasingly answering with one voice: quite possibly, there is none. What to do when a global market used to blaming inflation on the (occasionally guilty) speculator loses rights to its favorite whipping boy? > read more

Scholes Speaketh

Nobel Laureate Myron Scholes, chairman of Platinum Grove Asset Management, says there’s no reason to believe the credit crisis is now entering its denouement. Instead, he suggests a different, slightly more alarming scenario. > read more

Three Commandments: Distance Runner

A first-generation American reared in a tough patch of Oklahoma City, Philip Erdoes has never met anyone he couldn’t do business with — provided he’s so inclined. Here’s how he built his mini-empire from the ground up. > read more

Tether: Music To Your Ears

Practically every mobile phone can play music these days, but the Motorola ROKR E8 literally morphs into an MP3 player on command. > read more

Blue Sky: Success Story

Behold the magical, multitasking, new and improved Next Generation Pilatus PC-12 turboprop. > read more

Brainstorm: Casting Call

Acting on a hunch between two friends, Silicon Valley is teaming with a top Beverly Hills talent agent and a telecom giant to scout Hollywood’s next angel. > read more

Room Key: A Very Silver Lining

How the leading upscale hotelier in India, Taj Hotel Group, snatched up the former Ritz-Carlton Boston, the Pierre in New York and, most recently, San Francisco’s Campton Place. > read more

Flush This

Too many toilets in your idyllic, unicorn-dwelling, champagne-fountained Greenwich, Conn., neighborhood? No to worry, Michael Lewis (of Liar’s Poker fame) is on it. > read more

Tech Dealmakers: Plugged In

Heightened activity and global expansion in the multifaceted tech dealmaking world has Wall Street jockeying for position. Here's who's leading the charge. > read more

Toy: Take Your Best Shot

You can either carry around a bulky waterproof case for your digital camera, or you can go naked instead with the indestructible Olympus Stylus 1030 SW. Allow us to recommend our weapon of choice. > read more

Fine Print: Power Of Attorney

Joe Flom helped pioneer the hostile takeover, inspiring an army of Wall Street fighters and earning the respect — and often the business — of adversaries along the way. How he did it. > read more

My Three-Hour Vacation: Lost And Found

Take it from someone who came for an M&A deal and stayed for two years: A man can lose himself for a lifetime in the streets of Firenze. > read more

The Play: Initial Public Offering

Hear that St. Andrews’s astonishing new Castle Course is the year’s most highly anticipated debut? No? Don’t tell anyone. Good thing you saw this in time. It’s going to be all right. > read more

Road Show: Faster, Pussycat

We take the 2009 XF to the streets of Monaco and find out whether it can truly be hailed as the vehicle that will save Jaguar. > read more

Tool: Going The Distance

Typically, five hours of battery life is considered good for an ultra-portable laptop. But the 1.8-pound HTC Shift can deliver what’s most important to you when you’re on the go for a full two days. > read more

Deal Of A Lifetime: Healthy Returns

How my first venture deal helped effect an industry sea change — and validate a transformative investment strategy. > read more

Retreats: Rich Harvest

At Kealanani, making the most of your investment means getting your hands a little dirty. > read more

Tombstone: Wall Street Meets Main Street

It seemed like a great idea at the time. The dot-com explosion of the late 1990s was just beginning to percolate, and individual investors were snapping up IPOs as fast as Wall Street could churn them out. . A quick – and, in some ways topical – trip down memory lane. > read more

Executive Order: Arm’s Length

By offering a lot of autonomy — and leaving a little bit of equity on the table — here’s how Affiliated Managers Group found the key to successful acquisitions. > read more

Liquidation

How the revival of these premium brands is helping rye reclaim its status as America’s top whiskey. > read more

Fashion: Time Flies

Whether you’re piloting your turboprop to Bimini or counting down the minutes to the ETA of your IPO, the aviation watch is a trusted capitalist tool. And when it comes to these sensational collector’s chronos, they’re also the height of fashion. > read more

Venture: Emerging Market

Think Vietnam, and you might not think of luxe resorts and sublime eateries. But winning the hearts and minds of the well-financed traveler is this nation’s new revolution. A primer that will have you booking your next trip before the holidays. > read more

Not Your Father’s Financial District

The canyons of Wall Street are lined with condos. Dog walkers on strolls outnumber hung-over clerks on cigarette breaks. Gilded-Age moneymaking monoliths now house spas, sushi joints and luxury retailers. What happened? Arriving at settlement with Lower Manhattan's makeover. > read more

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